September 24, 2005 - 2:40 p.m.
What Do You Do When You're Attacked?
I intended to write a nice, reminiscing entry about my childhood experiences on the Texas Gulf Coast, in light of my previous entry. However, I received a phone call this morning that upset me quite possibly more than any other phone call ever has.
Last night, I went out with some women for a girls' night out. A tangential friend wasn't invited because of personality conflicts among some of the people in the group. I felt bad about that, but it wasn't my gathering. I was just invited. When we were done, we went back to one of their houses, and this uninvited woman was there, hanging out with the guys. I knew it would become an issue.
Sure enough, a few minutes into watching a DVD this morning, the telephone rings. I answered, only to deal with the angry uninvited one. She was hurt that she wasn't invited. Then she accused me of avoiding her over the past few weeks. I explained that I was uncomfortable about not including her last night, but it wasn't my place to invite people. I then told her that I have been busy, and that's why we haven't seen her and her husband in a while.
Twice I turned down invitations to hang out with her because I was tired. Suddenly, she's putting me in the position of justifying my decisions on my social life to her to mollify her insecurities. It was a very juvenile thing to do, and it made me really angry. She implied that I'm keeping secrets from her. I feel attacked. I feel that she's demanding too much from me. I understand that she may be hurt because of being left out of things, but I'm not going to apologize for it. I feel like her tactics on approaching me will color how I interact with her.
Some time has passed since I wrote the earlier part. I have spoken with an out-of-town friend who knows both of us and my stepmother about this situation. They both had good suggestions, and I had almost decided to just forget about it and invite she and her husband over tomorrow night for dinner. I just don't think I can, though. It's pretty obvious to me that those emotions are running very close to the surface, and I can't trust myself to handle an in-person situation very well. Rob is really pushing for me to sit down and talk to her about it. What can I say to her, though, that won't cause more problems? "What you did was shitty, and I think you're acting like a bitch." That's what I think, but I don't think saying that is going to help one little bit. She feels wounded, and now I feel wounded. Neither of us is going to concede easily. So why bother making it a battle that could turn even bloodier? I don't have the stomach for it. That last paragraph made me realize that I now view her as totally irrational and completely incapable of approaching this reasonably. That's probably unfair, but at the same time, she didn't give me much hope for rationality with the phone call today. Ugh. I'm so lost. Part of me is saying, be the strong person. Forget about what she said. Try to recify this situation. The other part of me wants her to know just how miserable she made me feel and to make her suffer a little (a lot?) for it. And that makes me feel like crap. So, I feel like crap if I let her "get away with" being mean, and I feel like crap if I rub it in. Screw this. I'm going to bed. A clearer mind will prevail in the morning, I hope. I will NOT let this screw up another day for me.
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