April 28, 2006 - 7:26 a.m.
The End is Nigh
I can't believe it. I'm sitting here at my desk with only one take-home final to get done by Monday. In an absolutely mad week, I managed to throw together three (and if I might say, decent) papers: "Not Chicano Enough?: Political Subtext in Rudolfo Anaya's Bless Me, Ultima" for my capstone class, "Biological, Mythic, and Social Conflicts in Tess of the d'Urbervilles", and "The History of Mystery in John Sayles' Lone Star". As much as I have sweated over these three papers, I have an amazing sense of accomplishment in getting it all done.
And here's the weird thing...
I'm sad that it's all done. I thought I would be jubilant. I'm a week away from graduating, after all! Instead, I'm really going to miss going into the English department building, running into people I know, saying hi to professors... I think what I'm really going to miss are my classes. Getting to read amazing things then hear interesting people talk about them - except for the paper writing, there's really nothing better. As much as I want to be a librarian, I have a feeling that the level of scholarship in my graduate program may actually be lower than that of my undergraduate English program. Not that what I did is really wonderful, but for the first time, I'm confident that I'd do okay if I pursued a master's of English literature. Perhaps I'll do that some day, if I don't lose my writing ability.
Writing ability. That's something that I want to make sure I DON'T lose. I think back to my Pomona days, when I had a class with a paper due every Friday. I would crank those things out every Friday afternoon, and most times, I made A's on the papers. I like putting together my thoughts in a logical argument, as long as I enjoy whatever I'm having to argue.
It's just weird. I've been running full steam ahead for so long, and at the moment, I'm a bit at a loss. I don't yet know if I've gotten into graduate school. I don't know if I've gotten the Smithsonian internship (I'm guessing not). I DO know I'll be spending 2 weeks up near Atlanta in June at the Georgia Archives Institute. That should be interesting. I'll finish my internship at the GHS, I'll work more at the pilates studio, I'll swim in the pool, I'll go to the beach...
And perhaps best of all, I can now read what I want, but I'm a much better reader because of the last three years.
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