October 13, 2004 - 1:34 p.m.
Near Meltdown at Target
I almost lost it in Savannah's brand-new Target this afternoon. I thought I was meeting Rob there at 12:00, but when I called him after my class, he was still at home and not dressed yet. Living with somebody is a series of figuring out how the other person's thinking differs from yours. When I arranged to go shopping with him, I expected him to be on his way by noon, and then my phone call would confirm where to meet, as school is only about 2 minutes from Target. Instead, I sat in the parking lot for more than half an hour, waiting for him.
It was in this half hour interim that I started looking at what I need to accomplish before the end of the semester, and my anxiety began rising. For all my classes, I have 5 tests, 1 short paper, 3 major research papers, an oral presentation on research, a creative dance project, and 4 finals, not to mention at least 10 minor assignments and lots of reading for my classes. All of this must happen in less than two months, with Thanksgiving break thrown in there.
It's the four research projects that have me nervous. I only have two of the assignments, so two are mysteries. That means a lot of time collecting articles, plus all the time to actually write the papers. I'm truly overwhelmed.
So, this was all filtering through my brain as Rob finally arrived at Target. Then, in the first few minutes, I realized that we just cannot go shopping together unless I am very relaxed because we have different shopping styles. And I wasn't relaxed at all. So I basically bolted from Target with Rob trailing, said a quick goodbye, and didn't even make it to my car before bursting into tears.
When I talked to him later, I apologized, and he said that while I'm in school he understands that I've got a lot on my plate, and he's going to try to help me out somehow. I don't really know what he could do, except for some of the little things like throwing his trash away and putting dishes in the sink. I'm afraid it's too much to think that he'd actually wash the dishes. (That was mean. Rob, if you read this, I'm sorry.)
On a related note, I was miffed at my California friend Desiree. She's looking to go back to school in January, and she keeps making comments that bother me. She has said that she'll never complain about not having time to do things while she's in school because she won't have to be working at the same time. What I hear from that is, "You're such a wimp because you're not working, and yet you complain about being too busy." I tried to explain to her that by taking 3 literature classes, I constantly have some reading that I should be doing. Her answer to this was, basically, "But reading is easy!". Then I said that if you're tired, then it's impossible to effectively read something for class. Her answer? "Oh, when I was in academic decathlon in high school, I'd just take a nap for a few hours, and then I could read. You should take naps." What I get from all of this is, "I'm better than you because I'll be able to be in school and not be stressed out." Can I just say that I can't wait until she's so stressed out and busy with classes that she can't see straight? Probably, since she's going to be a creative writing major, she won't have the same sort of stress that I do as an English major (less reading). I'm just mad that she generalizes like that, to my apparent detriment.
Wow. I have complained enough. It has been cathartic, but it makes me feel petty when I look back on it. I complain, but my life could be a lot worse. I have a boyfriend who is at least willing to try to make my life better. I don't have to work while I'm in school (but if I were working, I certainly wouldn't be taking 16 hours!) And I really do enjoy what I'm learning, even if the assignments might just do me in if I'm not careful.
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