2003-03-14 - 9:53 p.m.
I am in a sour mood tonight. Let's see if I can list all the reasons why.
The kitchen is a mess. This is my fault, as I've been putting off washing dishes for a while. This doesn't help my irritation with it.
I've felt groggy all day because I stayed out way too late last night, drank much more than I should have for a Thursday night and smoked a little something that I definitely shouldn't have. I managed to sleep through my hangover (didn't go to work because of it), but I've been plain disgruntled all day.
I have a crush on a married man. This has to be THE MOST POINTLESS crush I've ever had, and believe me, I've had pointless ones in the past.
I got asked out by a library patron today. I said I'd go out with him because I'm a stupid fool who can't reject someone when they show interest in me. I know this isn't going to go anywhere. For one thing, his clothes smelled unwashed. Not smelly, just dusty. He was attractive enough, but there wasn't any sort of chemistry. I don't get attention like that often, and that makes it even harder for me to be realistic and not waste this guy's time. Just something else for me to fret about.
The biggest thing that I've been fretting about is far more serious than anything in the preceding paragraphs. Yesterday while I was at work, I checked my email.
I had a message from a college friend who for a while was like a brother to me. Spring of 2000 we were pretty inseparable. Then he went off to Mali in the Peace Corps, and I became the bad friend who didn't stay in touch. He came back to the States in December, and I've been worried about how to rekindle a friendship after almost 3 years of very sporadic communication.
This email said that his father committed suicide last weekend. My heart broke right there. I actually started crying, and I'm not that prone to tears, certainly not in public. I felt utterly helpless. I still feel pretty helpless. I sent him a quick email expressing my sorrow then mailed him a card that was more heartfelt. I sent him my phone numbers, but I'm afraid we're too distant now for him to use them. Oh great. Now I'm crying again.
I think that pretty well explains why I'm in a sour mood on a Friday night. I'm going to the video store to pick up something that will make me laugh, dammit!
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